Monday, November 28, 2005

You are

You are a musical note in a symphony of life.
Your laughter is more precious than the peal of any bell.
Your smile is brighter than the Sun and worth more than any treasure on Earth.
Your kisses are sapphires of warmth.
Your heart is a diamond of love and joy shining your light for all to see.
Sing your song of joy and life and love Now
Listen to your beautiful song and rejoice in your beauty
For you are most beautiful and most beloved among women or men

Written for a woman known as Annie this day.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

When in Danger...

When in danger, such as a car accident, have you ever experienced fear? In every car accident I've been in, my mind has essentially stopped, no thoughts, no psychological or even physiological fear response. (I have known fear, when I started drowning in a public swimming pool.)I'm just along for the duration of the event as an observer. Even during the Northridge quake in LA, I was fairly detached. I just laid in bed wondering if the ceiling was going to meet me. That is the only thought I really had other than the realization that I was in a fairly big earthquake. My poor little cat was scared almost senseless. She hid under the bed and later in the closet. She chose the safest places to be. She also gulped from fear which I'd never seen a cat do. Most of my fears are baseless psychological fears, phantom what-ifs created by my mind. Does this mean that I have always been insane, or do I know something deep down at some level that it is not my time to go Home yet?

According to

According to a Policy Forum article in the latest Science magazine, 1 out of three women worldwide (15 locations studied) is or has been physically abused in some form by a current or former partner. The abuse can be either physical beatings or any form of rape. Now, 15 sample points globally seems a bit small. Some of the places registered 66% abuse. Most of the locations were the developing world. So, I am not sure if we have a bias in the results.I believe it abhorrent for a man to hit a woman. I think it insane for the woman to put up with such abuse. I remember reading that gun control critics don't like the following fact: women with guns are less likely to be assaulted and killed. In other words, guns help women protect themselves. My father told me a long time ago that guns are the great equalizer in a fight. When it comes to women equalizing their chances against men in a violent situation, guns have a positive effect on women's survival. Is this natural selection in action?.

Friday, November 25, 2005

English Translation of Ovid by David Drake

Ovid. For those who don't know, David Drake is a military scifi author best known for his Hammer's Slammers series about a mechanized mercenary battalion in the far future. I can only guess that I like his writings because he tells it like it is, as I am not a veteran. War is not pretty. Death in wartime is not pretty. He does not espouse the Homeric ideal as War is glorious or that Death in war is glorious and honorable. Death is just final and if you are very lucky, quick, and fairly painless. If you aren't lucky, you die by degrees, mostly psychologically, sometimes physically. I'm not sure I do these descriptions justice. You should read "Grimmer than Hell", "Redliners", one of the Hammer's Slammers books, or any of his other fine short story anthologies.

Thought for the Day

If you have a pet dog or cat, join him/her in the moment. Learn from pets how to live. Look into their eyes and feel contentment with the moment and all that is. See the Universe looking back at you. Use the following sentence for a mantra if necessary: I will no longer cause myself or others pain and suffering. Take it to heart. Enjoy what you have now.

Wit of the Day
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
Lewis Black

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thought for the Day...

When someone smiles at you, it's really just God smiling back, I think God loves those most who can make others smile. Therefore, such persons are most beloved of God.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


The Universe gave me a joke today. I was on my way to the doctor's office to drop off a sample when I was hit broadside by a taxi which ran the red light. According to the doctor, I'm completely healthy. So, as long as I can keep from getting run over on the way to the doctor's office, I should be fine. Nice irony there, don't you think?

The False Self

Pretty much everything you just read in the previous entry is the 'little me" - the False Self. I AM is happy at this moment. I AM doesn't fear death because it knows the illusion for what it is. I refuse to suffer for the "little me".
Love and bliss to all.

Forgive me for my fears and anxious moments. Forgive me for fearing an illusion, for I KNOW there is only life and there is no true death! Forgive me for falling asleep into the dream, however briefly. For I KNOW the TRUTH and it has set me free. May I awaken and stay awake in the here and NOW!

Anxiety and depression

The physician who performed my physical was thorough with some things and not so thorough with others. She performed the dreaded Prostate Digital Exam and I learned that women also have to undergo a similar procedure as well as a Pap Smear. I remarked that they have a vaccine for HPV now that should protect women from cervical cancers. But I digress. She didn't check me for testicular cancer or hernias. My EKG shows an age related irregular heart beat. She urged me to go to an ER which I did. The ER doctor said it wasn't treatable and there's nothing they can do. She wants me to see a colonoscopy specialist for a colonoscopy. I'm 44 yrs old. You aren't supposed to start those until 45 yrs old or so. My family has a history of colorectal cancer on my Mother's side. All the women get colorectal cancer. As far as I know, the men don't suffer from it. When I awoke this morning, many thoughts ran through my head. I found my thoughts focused on fear of the procedure and reisitance to it. I also started to become depressed for some reason. My guess is that my pain body latched onto the fear of the colonoscopy. At that point, I started meditating to calm my thoughts and fears. My mental turmoil ceased and I calmed down and I can see everything for what it is. I despair though. I'm just surviving right now. I'm making less money than I did two and even three years ago. I am trying to get out of debt with my credit cards from unemployment and separation expenses. I have had to pay something like $4K out of pocket for my cataract surgery and Lasik which I undergo next Monday. My insurance wouldn't pay the complete costs of the new lenses I have in my eyes or the Lasik procedure necessary to fine tune my vision. No one talks about people having to juggle medical costs, yet I know it is a real problem for seniors. I'm only 44 years old and doctors want me to submit to a battery of tests that I know will be unnecessary. Are they covering their asses, or am I rationalizing away my fears of a colonoscopy due to monetary costs right before Christmas. December is a bad month for me. There's X-mas presents, car insurance, and now maybe more medical tests. Life is interesting as in the Chinese curse. Well, I don't have any problems right now! It's a pretty day. Guess I have time to meditate on the situation and hope I can do the right thing from insight instead of fear.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Outcome to today's drama

My heart condition is not treatable. I have a normal sinus rythym (normal heart beat). It's just that the interval between heart beats shifts sometimes giving me an irregular heart beat. There is nothing they can do to correct it. I'm supposed to cut back on caffeine and chocolate. I don't eat as much chocolate as I used to, but I'll die without caffeine. The only two vices I have they want me to cut back! Probably isn't gonna happen. Excuse me, ain't gonna happen!

Broken heart

Well, I appear to have broken my heart. I went in for a medical exam and the doctor found that I have an irregular heart beat. Probably due to thyroid condition. I have to go to the ER and have another EKG done so they can find out what's wrong with me. Gonna be a long day!


Well, my Mondays are weekends currently on this schedule. It's a gorgeous day. My sleep schedule is still whacked. Oh, I got plenty of sleep, but it wasn't during Sunday. I slept through most of last night and this morning. I've noticed that I have bad breath which for me is a sign that I have a virus or other sickness that has changed my body chemistry and caused me to emit ketones from my breath and have a crappy taste in my mouth. The good news is that I have a doctor's appointment today for a general exam, the first in essentially 10 years. I really don't have anything to report spiritually wise other than I can feel two women that I care about during meditation. Both are very sweet gals. One is a love interest who has a wonderful sense of humor but lives in another city. The other one is really sweet and is quite spiritual. Initally, the second woman had a more powerful connection with me. Now, they seem to be the same. I am guessing that that perception could be my mind fooling me. I am not sure. All I can really do is experience life, live and love fully, and try not to fool myself as most humans do. A tall order. Perhaps I will have something more profound later.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

In Answer to Anonymous

Anonymous said...

" I guess there is no such a thing as absolute Truth. What we call truth is just an observation or a statement of a limited or fragmented aspect of reality. There is only reality and we don't really know absolutely what it is. Therefore there is no such thing as enlightenment in the absolute sense. We just become enlightenend
about certain aspects of reality.
This idea of enlightenment is really just an invention of people who never really achieved enlightenment. What really matters is reality itself not enlightenment. Enlightenment has become a four-letter word for many people. "

In the strictest sense, you are correct. The mind can't grasp the totality of reality and human senses are limited in scope. Enlightenment can only be experienced because the word is just a pointer. Enlightenment is an attainable goal. It is the next step in human evolution. It signifies the completion of a process Mankind has been undergoing since Buddha and Jesus awakened 2,000 years ago at the very least. Such people are not controllable because they no longer fear anything. They are either perceived by ordinary people as teachers to be emulated or dangers to be eliminated.
There is reality and there is "Reality". Reality is the Universe evolving and changing before us. The smaller "reality" is the Universe as perceived by humanity. Reality trumps "reality" everytime and it will cause human perception to align with the greater "Totality" sooner or later.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind.
Kahlil Gibran

Words are just pointers to the ultimate truth.

On the way to work, I realized that from a spiritual point of view, everything is superficial - gender, race, status, knowledge, wealth; just about every criteria humans use to distinguish themselves from each other. Everyone is equal spiritually because we all come from the same Source. Some of us are luckier than others because we can see a little more Truth than others. Guess I'm beginning to understand all this spiritually instead of just intellectually.


Can't sleep. Awoke after 3 hours or so of sleep. It is going to be a long night I fear. Guess I'll try to go back to sleep. I'm meditating to do something useful, and I know my body's tired, but just can't sleep. It's a beautiful day! Wish I didn't have to work tonight. Oh well, time to contemplate my navel lint. :-)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

What cars do women find sexy?

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
P. J. O'Rourke

Is what P.J. O'Rourke said true? What cars do women find sexy and stimulating? Is it the Rolls Royce Bentley, stylish, elegant, complete with ample storage space and driver, after a hard, exacting day of shopping along Rodeo Drive? Or is it the Chevrolet Corvette, sleek, fast, svelte, stylish - a 4 wheeled rocket that says, I'm sexy and sensual, catch me if you can, boys? Who knows? As far as pure functionality, the title should go to a motorcycle instead of a car - a Harley Davidson Electra Glide or similar crotch rocket. Any motorcycle is just a very expensive, fast vibrator that gets a woman to her destination while giving her two or three orgasms during the trip! ...And she gets to wear leather, too!

I wrote this satire for a dear friend (the above is dedicated to you, Annie), but I decided I should share it with the world. Suppose it speaks volumes about how I see things.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Lost in Mind...

One shouldn't be concerned about what Heaven is or is not. Sooner or later, one returns to the Source anyway. One should only be concerned with the present moment and through the present moment giving one's full attention to other's when they need it. Otherwise, one is lost in the mind thinking thoughts about what heaven is or isn't. The Unmanifested is formless. Heaven is formless as well, at least to these senses. Making something formless into a form is a distraction at best and illusion at it's worst. It comes between you and the Now, you and "God", you and your fellow man or woman because 'you" think you are better than him or her. We are all equal, just different. Until we realize this fact, we will be lost, lost to ourselves and lost in thought and we will suffer.

Forgive me for my blindness as I forgive those who are blind to Reality and Truth and Being. May the veil lift from your eyes and you see the World as it truly is and be one with all that is. Namaste!

Diverting people's attention from economic issues to "values" issues

Was reading Scott Adam's blog, Dilbertblog

Illuminating. In the weasel poll section, he found that people worry more about the debate over intelligent design than price gouging by oil companies. Very tongue in cheek, hilarious blog. From his blog:

"The biggest surprise to me was in the Weaseliest Behavior category where gas gouging lost out to Advocating the teaching of Intelligent Design in schools. Apparently most people would rather be robbed than exposed to additional unproven theories. This could be a valuable tool for muggers who don’t like guns. “Give me your wallet or else I’ll explain the concept of irreducible complexity!”

The United States (including Iraq) won again this year as Most Weasely Country. But by next year, Iraq will be a thriving democracy and all of the bad feelings will be a distant memory. I am confident that our efforts in Iraq will work because we’re employing a clever strategy that comedian Larry Miller describes as “driving around until people shoot at us.” How could that NOT work? "

The poll was very unscientific, yet it does bother me that people are more passionate about ideas concerning how we got here instead of being robbed by speculators in the oil commodities markets. Are we losing the war against ignorance on several fronts?

Bob Lewis, a friend and author of the KJR Newsletter,KJR Newletter , explained it thus:
"I believe it's the book "What's the Matter with Kansas" (Thomas Frank, 2004)
that explains this phenomenon - it's a matter of diverting the conversation
to "values" in simplistic ways."

So, basically, the Republicans are using a cynical strategy whereby they attack someone or something based on their "values" to undermine the opponent's credibility with the voters. Meanwhile, the Republican's economic policies are undermining the lives of the very voters who support them. Sad. Sad and insane.

Sooner or later, people will wake up and see where their lives are headed hopefully. Assuming it's not too late and all the jobs haven't migrated to another country. It's amazing that Delphi has plenty of business. The management doesn't intend to take a paycut, yet they want the UAW to take a 66% paycut and work for $9.00/hr. Now, $20/hr is a reasonable wage if cuts are needed for your employer to make a profit, but asking workers to take 66% paycuts while management doesn't take any is hypocrisy and insane. That the American taxpayer will bail out yet another company from having to pay pension benefits is just as bad. This doesn't even take into account the loss of wages will have on the tax revenues of the localities dependent upon the Delphi plants' workers. Corporations are taking advantage of the system and all of us will be paying for the greed of a few individuals. Government isn't supposed to reward individuals for screwing society in general. Such individuals should be punished.

Mind undermining my attempts to stay awake

I divined some information about my job. Supposedly, I am to become unemployed again in January due to cutbacks. I just got this job in March after several months of unemployment and TWC told me that my benefits were exhausted, so I relied on savings and a loan from my ex-wife to make it. I easily paid her back from my tax refund. For a while I was anxious. I know intellectually that my mind is trying to subvert my progress and regain control. I can meditate and hold it at bay, but it like fighting a wild cat. I realize that the future is not yet writ and that what I have perceived may never come to pass. Yet my mind has found an insecurity to latch onto. I realize though that I have always landed on my feet and that times are tough for everyone. I suppose, this is another attachment for me to break so that I can enjoy the Now more fully. Blessings to everyone. Hopefully, I'll have something more profound to write about later.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Everything is sacred

This Universe comes from the One Source of all Life. The Universe of Form is a subset of the Formless, or as Tolle says, the Manifested is a temporary aspect of the formless Unmanifested. The Unmanifested dwells in "Heaven". Yet, isn't this Universe and this planet all derived from the Unmanifested. Isn't this place a subset of Heaven. Isn't everything as sacred here as in our other "home". In Heaven, everything is perfect and whole, "I am the alpha and omega and I am the Living One"; Buddha Consciousness pure and radiant. Only in this Universe is Buddha Consciousness clothed by matter (condensed energy), hidden by mind (conditioned consciousness). So, Buddha Consciousness on this planet emits at its true frequency, but due to the interaction of matter and mind we might not see it or perceive it as so. Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is all around you, yet you don't see it." and "Split a piece of wood and I AM there, lift up a stone and you will find ME there." Tolle simply says that everything you see is sacred because everything has "God" essence. This planet and the Universe can then be considered Heaven. When people speak of different levels of Heaven, they are unwittingly speaking of this planet/Universe where souls exist at different social levels due to different levels of consciousness. This Universe where we have different scales of length from microscopic to planets, solar systems, galaxies and galaxy clusters. It's the only thing that makes sense. Heaven doesn't need to evolve, but "heaven" which is this Earth and this Universe does. Is this so? Thanks Gretchen.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Rx for Survival

Watching Rx for Survival Series on PBS. It's amazing how dense biomedical scientists can be. An opthamologist discovered that giving nightblind children one dose of vitamin A saves their eyesight and furthermore significantly reduces their mortality rates. The same results occur with pregnant women. Mortality of pregnant women is reduced 40% if they are given vitamin A. The medical establishment couldn't believe that something so simple would have such an impact. Many people can be saved if they just have the basics, yet many people don't even have clean water.
They mentioned that civil engineers who construct modern sanitation and water treatment facilities save more lives than doctors do. I used to think that civil engineers weren't the brightest of engineers. I took their public health contributions for granted.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Trying to wake up

Awoke from sleep around 2:30 PM. Corresponded via email with Stacey and George. Sent Annie some more flash videos via a URL. Having trouble coming to full consciousness. Went back to bed at 3:30, and meditated. Became present, but also sent Annie love and light and fantasized a bit about what our meeting will be like. Mostly just trying to send her love and peace and light. Shouldn't get my hopes or expectations up about a future event or that she will love me. That is for the future to decide. All fantasy is illusion and folly. Must remember the following quote from Tole:

As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out of present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love—even the most simple action. Do not be concerned with the fruit of your action, just give attention to the action itself. The fruit will come of its own accord. This is a powerful spiritual practice.

Cats stayed with me in bed while I meditated. Think they wanted me to stay up and visit, or maybe they needed the warmth. Bashful definitely found the best spot. Gotta get ready for work. Blessings to all! Love and light! Stacey, everything will be OK! Do not be anxious!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

God's Plan for Mankind - filtered and incomplete

The whole totality of reality on this planet is part of "God's" Plan. Ultimately, the plan is the evolution of consciousness throughout the Universe. At least, that is what it looks like from the material world. According to Tolle, it is perfect and whole in the Unmanifested. "I am the alpha and the omega and I am the Living One." as it states in the New Testament. On Earth, it looks like consciousness is developing or evolving. The Parable of the Lost Son is a case in point. It describes unconscious perfection (animal consciousness), then a stage of conscious imperfection and evil (conditioned consciousness - Mankind in its present state), to the next stage of conscious perfection (breakdown of egoic mind structures and integration of conditioned consciousness with primordial consciousness). The cross is a symbol of suffering and acceptance of what is. Suffering is necessary to breakdown the egoic mind. Even if Mankind doesn't make it, nothing will be lost. Some other form will arise on the planet for conscious perfection to evolve. I hope we all do make it. I enjoy being human. But it all comes down to choice. At some conscious level, it will be decided whether the next stage is attainable or not. If it is not, the slate will be wiped clean and the process will be started anew. The fact that Tolle even exists is a sign that we will probably make it to the next stage, but since we are bound by time and probabilities and choice (at least in these bodies), the final result is still up in the air. Take into account that I am still unconscious or insane and the part of me that "knows" what is going on is disconnected from the part that is writing this.

Reflections through an opaque screen of mind

I wrote the following for someone else, but I wanted to share it with everyone as well. I don't expect you to believe any of it. I would like you to reflect on what is written and reflect on your feelings or intuition. What do they say about what I have written? Am I wrong? Am I wrong because I am regurgitating bit of Spiritual Truth, yet I am not yet I AM!

Here are some truths to ponder.
1. Life will always present you with situations that will enlighten or awaken you if you see the situation from the right perspective.
2. Suffering exists to awaken us to our full spiritual potential. Spiritual awakening is the next step in our evolution.
3. Your purpose here and now is to awaken from the dream that you are a lonely human being in this world. The truth is more beautiful and more profound than your mind can ever grasp or imagine. You are a spiritual being experiencing life as a human.
4. Primary reality is within, secondary reality is without. You can only change the way you experience and see the world. You won't be able to change the world without changing yourself first.
5. Love, joy, bliss are true emotions, come from within. Hatred, anger, anxiety are false emotions and come from your mind. Feelings will get you closer to truth than thinking ever will.
6. Women will become enlightened before men. You live more within your bodies and you create and nuture life as mothers. You KNOW THIS!
7. When you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, you have three options: leave it, solve it from wisdom or insight, or accept it totally from wisdom or insight.
8. Insanity is relative. Evil is relative. Both are unconscious behavior of people. Most people are insane and don't realize it. Most people are unconsciously evil and don't realize it. The product is suffering.
9. When you do something out of selfless compassion and love for yourself or someone else, you are awakening. You are most beautiful when you love. You don't have to do anything but love or forgive! Both imply acceptance of the moment!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

George - canine extraordinaire!

These stories are true. I saw this with my own eyes. When I was in grad school, I lived with a friend I went to high school with. Steve had moved to Dallas and convinced me to enroll at UT Dallas. He could use a roomie to help pay bills, etc. So, I moved in to a two bedroom/two bath flat in the Fall of 1985 and enrolled at UT Dallas in the graduate Biology Program. We lived in that apartment until he got married in 1990 and I had to move out so his new wife could live there. Steve had a border collie mix named George. Now George was a smart dog of about medium weight. He had a black hood of hair that made him look like the canine equivalent of Zorro. Now we had two couches in the living room against opposite walls and facing each other. George and Steve had one couch and I had the other. We invited fellow students over on Friday nights for drinking and watching bad network TV movies. It was an economical form of entertainment, especially in a suburban area with no bars and no college life to speak of. You see, Richardson, TX is dry. No wine or spirits are sold within the city limits. We'd have to drive 5 miles down the road to Plano to get beer. Plano is what we call damp, beer and wine are sold there. If you want the hard stuff, you drive to Addison, TX where all the liquor stores are. Thank you Southern Baptists.
Well, one Friday, we had finished most of a pizza and Steve was puttering around the kitchen. I was watching TV. Something moved out of the corner of my eye. I moved my head a little and saw George looking around to see if he was being spotted. The pizza box with a couple of slices of uneaten pizza was lying on the coffee table. The pizza box lid was ajar. I saw George ease his long snout under the lid and grasp a slice of pizza. He eased it partially out of the box. Then he looked around again to see if Steve saw him. Either he didn't spot me watching or he didn't care that I saw him. Anyway, he then grasped a corner of the pizza slice and pulled it off the coffee table. Now the rule around the house was that if something edible hit the ground, it was George's. As soon as the pizza slice hit the carpet, George consumed it. Victory to George. I called Steve into the room and told him about it. He laughed at the cleverness of his dog. Both of us were impressed at George's sneaky feat of pizza slice heist.
Another Friday a year or two later, we were having a party. One of our friends, a big, tall biophysicist by the name of Ken Johnson showed up. Now Ken graduated from Texas A&M, Texas Agricultural and Mechanical. Now Texas A&M graduates, Aggies, are made fun of in the same way as Polish Americans. You can find Aggie jokes that are just Polish jokes with "Texas Aggie" substituted for the word "Polock". The problem with Ken was that not only was he a Texas Aggie, he was half Polish, actually Prussian, but Prussia is a part of Poland now. There were times when he acted like the stereotype found in the Aggie jokes.
Anyway, George loved BIG rawhide bones. He would chew on one for hours, if not days, until there was nothing left. He happened to have a brand new chewbone lying around the living room. Now Ken being Ken decided to taunt the dog. He picked up George's chewbone, held it up at about neck height, just out of George's ability to jump up and grab it. Now George was sitting in front of Ken and his eyes were fixed on HIS chewbone that this human standing in front of him had grabbed. Ken was wearing a pair of white shorts.
Ken said, "George, look what I have!"
George immediately jumped up, put one paw on Ken's thigh to steady himself and cupped Ken's groin in his mouth while looking intently at Ken.
George was basically saying, "Look Ken, at what I HAVE!"
Ken then said, "You win, George!", and handed George his chewbone.
Steve and I busted up laughing. George had easily outwitted a fellow PhD student and quintessential Texas Aggie. Steve praised George for his initiative and quick thinking once he wiped the tears out of his eyes and regained his composure.

Blahs about work

Well slept on and off overnight. Stayed up until 4:00 PM trying to reset my body clock. Brian called me at 6:00 PM wondering where I ws noticed that I was out of it when I answered the phone. Trying to decide whether to flamethrower the whole apartment (massive cleanup) or just meditate. I COULD do all kinds of stuff, but I really don't feel like doing anything at the moment. Both cats are asleep. I miss SMU Plano. I really enjoyed that job. Even though they worked my ass off. I was physically active. I was either building computer classrooms or performing system administration or computer security. After being let go and working for Microsoft for 9 months, I started to gain a little middle age spread around the waist. My friends laugh at me and I should laugh at myself I suppose. Brian isn't too far off when he says that he's lost more weight than I weigh. I can't really complain about my current job. It's quiet. There's little to do because the Intrusion Detection Systems aren't tuned and the company is relying on canned signatures provided by the vendor. I'd be happier oif we were running Snort in parallel with bleeding dge signatures to see what traffic we are missing, but that will never happen. I've been tuning the IDS where I can, but that's almost a lost cause as well. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a decent job. It pays the bills. The hours are terrible, but on the bright side no managers are there to bug us. I get 3.5 days off to do as I please. So, what's wrong with this picture? Perhaps, it's because I'm a smart guy and I'm working for a brain dead telecom. My supervisor is a sharp guy, but he's being overworked doing things other than his job. It doesn't make any sense to volunteer because then they'll increase our workload without paying us more. We're starting to see brain drain. Three guys have left since I started last March. Oh well, obviously my ego is budy finding fault when I suppose I should be feeling compassion because everyone is unconscious to an extent, even me. Time to forgive myself as well.I hope I've done some good in this life and made the world a richer place as well as touched some lives and given them some brief joy. Blessings to everyone I know and much love, especially the women who have to sit there and listen to us men whine a lot. Everyone - FIND YOUR BLISS!

Monday, November 07, 2005


Well, woke up in time to drive to a branch of the Credit Union and get a stop payment on the checks that were stolen. The wonderful lady suggested I get a new account, but I declined for now. I'll keep an eye on the account for any unusual checks. I probably should have followed her advice, but I'm hoping that the crooks are too lazy/cheap to spend the money for some new checks.

The cats are happy. Both seem to be sleeping now. Don't think there is such a thing as an unhappy cat. If there is, it's very fleeting in nature! Poor dogs! They are such nice creatures and so loving and people mess them up so bad. Fortunately, cats haven't put up with that crap as much as dogs have.

It's a very bright and sunny day! Will be unusually hot for November. Guess this drought will not break any time soon. Think I've made the right decision to see Kim Eng on Friday night. See
I must still watch my ego and its tricks. Will be nice to come in contact with a totally enlightened spirit. Should allow me to strengthen my own inner essence and break my mind's grip. Guess I'll see. In the meantime, time to go back to bed and get some sleep for a little while. It was a joy to correspond with Krissalee for a little today. She's an interesting lady and her blog is a joy to read! It will be nice when all this crap over sexuality and such is gone. Like Richard Pryor said, "Life is hard enough, without bringing up race!" I think the same holds true about gender and religion. We're all the same underneath. Blessings to Annie, Kat, Krissalee and Alana! Heck blessings to all the escorts! May you all find love and joy and bliss and happiness as well as Significant Others who love you for who you are and not what you do!

Sunday, November 06, 2005


I inadvertently left my passenger door of my car unlocked. It's been my practice to leave my backpack in the car during my workweek, on the front passenger floorboard. Driving into work last night I glanced down and noticed my backpack was gone and the passenger door was unlocked. I've lost about $200 in computer books, spiritual books, one set of audio CDs, a leatherman and my checkbook. The leatherman and possibly one other thing I carried in my backpack were from my brother. The leatherman was the last gift I remember him giving me before he died. What a shame. My credit union's web site has no provision for stop payment on stolen checks, an oversight I will have to inform them of. Guess someone else needed the backpack and its contents more than I did. I suppose the Universe is teaching me a lesson, that I don't need any more Eckhart Tolle books any more. Or it's an indicator that perhaps it's time to move to a better apartment complex that has more law abiding tenants. Other than that, it's a very nice day! Very nice and sunny. Hope everyone is blessed and enjoys the day!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Pretty Day

Woke up early. Stayed up until 9:00 AM hoping Annie might drop me an email. Been corresponding with her the last few weeks. Lovely woman. Big soul and very nice on the eyes. Hope we'll get to meet in January. Always have trouble sleeping the beginning of the shift. Don't know why. Wonder if this shift is prematurely aging me. Try to get enough sleep but don't always succeed due to daytime noise.Heart hurts. Don't know if it's chest pains or my heart chakra is blocked or some such. Chest pains are chest pains. Have to learn not to worry.Cats don't have any worries or issues. They sleep when they wish. They do as they please. They live entirely in the moment. Envy them their freedoms. They aren't neurotic like dogs.We kill wolves from fear but we kill tigers out of reverance. No part of a dog confers fertility or power, but bear parts and tiger parts do. How messed up is that? The tigers will be memories in 20 years due to poaching, except perhaps in the swamps of India where the tigers still seem to be feared and kill humans with impunity and a ferociousness their larger brethren have lost due to retaliation by humanity. It is so easy to destroy and it takes so long to create. Tigers took millions of years to evolve but it will take Man only 200 years of extensive poaching and logging to wipe most of them off the Earth.How unconscious id that? Who do I cry more for, the tiger who holds no grudges or cares, or Mankind who should know better? If I am lost, what does that say about my fellow humans? Enough sorrow. It is still a pretty day - full of promise! I can only fix myself or at least make space for grace to work its miracle. Hope Annie is having a great day! Hope all those I love and care about are having good/great days!

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