A Day in the Life of...

The physician who performed my physical was thorough with some things and not so thorough with others. She performed the dreaded Prostate Digital Exam and I learned that women also have to undergo a similar procedure as well as a Pap Smear. I remarked that they have a vaccine for HPV now that should protect women from cervical cancers. But I digress. She didn't check me for testicular cancer or hernias. My EKG shows an age related irregular heart beat. She urged me to go to an ER which I did. The ER doctor said it wasn't treatable and there's nothing they can do. She wants me to see a colonoscopy specialist for a colonoscopy. I'm 44 yrs old. You aren't supposed to start those until 45 yrs old or so. My family has a history of colorectal cancer on my Mother's side. All the women get colorectal cancer. As far as I know, the men don't suffer from it. When I awoke this morning, many thoughts ran through my head. I found my thoughts focused on fear of the procedure and reisitance to it. I also started to become depressed for some reason. My guess is that my pain body latched onto the fear of the colonoscopy. At that point, I started meditating to calm my thoughts and fears. My mental turmoil ceased and I calmed down and I can see everything for what it is. I despair though. I'm just surviving right now. I'm making less money than I did two and even three years ago. I am trying to get out of debt with my credit cards from unemployment and separation expenses. I have had to pay something like $4K out of pocket for my cataract surgery and Lasik which I undergo next Monday. My insurance wouldn't pay the complete costs of the new lenses I have in my eyes or the Lasik procedure necessary to fine tune my vision. No one talks about people having to juggle medical costs, yet I know it is a real problem for seniors. I'm only 44 years old and doctors want me to submit to a battery of tests that I know will be unnecessary. Are they covering their asses, or am I rationalizing away my fears of a colonoscopy due to monetary costs right before Christmas. December is a bad month for me. There's X-mas presents, car insurance, and now maybe more medical tests. Life is interesting as in the Chinese curse. Well, I don't have any problems right now! It's a pretty day. Guess I have time to meditate on the situation and hope I can do the right thing from insight instead of fear.