Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Going to be a nice week

The Sun is shining. Temperatures will be in the 70s most likely. Trying to just be and touch people in a positive way, mostly online. I've been trying to get a date, but no luck with the two online sites I frequent. Probably trying too hard. Annie encouraged me to find another woman in an email shortly after the first visit. She has a boyfriend although I don't know how happy she is with him. She just considers our visits to be fantasy encounters. Well, I plan to make her fantasies come true when we next meet. This should be a really nice Birthday for her barring any accidents or illness. Just have a few things to do, but pretty much have her gifts in order. Had a dream where a friend of mine carried a heavy rock into what I think was a hospital room tonight. Am thinking that it means that he's carrying a heavy burden into the hospital with him. It might be his wife since she's in and out of the hospital. My life is pretty quiet, but then I am just trying to be in the Now, although my mind still drags me along quite a bit. It gets easier to learn how to disidentify from it the more I meditate and watch it. There was an article on the BBC website that premature babies suffer more from anxiety and have more withdrawn personalities possibly from brain damage suffered from the early birth, or perhaps it's a developmental issue since the last few months in utero are spent on lung and brain development. I didn't have that luxury when I was born. I'm lucky to even be here.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Winter Olympics

I have been watching the Olympics for a change after ignoring The Games for the last two decades. I am struck by how happy these atheletes are just to be there and how critical some of the commentators are in some sports like Women's Figure Skating. One of the happiest atheletes was an Australian aerial skier, Alisa Camplin. She's blown her knee twice and she just came out of the surgery and rehab and she took Bronze. Some who lost are champions in my mind because they kept going even when they knew they couldn't win a medal. My failures have sometimes taught me as much or more about myself as my successes. I suppose it's the same for atheletes.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Not Much Going On

Not much going on in my life. Watching the Winter Olympics and the spiritual and atheletic joys and wonders of The Games. Nothing seemingly spiritual going on in my life at the moment. No epiphanies. No insights. Just trying to stay warm during a cold snap. Being there for friends when they ask me for computer advice or my company. Being a good neighbor. Trying to be a great human being. Trying to live in the moment and not anticipate the future, although not entirely succeeding. Doing the best I can in this world. Trying to rein in my mind. Best wishes to everyone on just making it through life and their spiritual journey as well.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
Mohandas Gandhi

Like the Zen saying, "The only person whose actions you can change are your own", Gandhi's quote is correct. You must transform yourself before you can transform the world. It must be a selfless transformation, otherwise, ego will taint whatever you do to change the world and corrupt it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Beautiful Day Today

It's been a wonderful day today. Couldn't ask for nicer weather. Sun is shining, just enough wind to cool one off. Went and bought Annie her gift for her birthday on March 8th. Last one in the store. Was pretty elated as I drove home. It feels right. She probably already knows at some level what I've gotten her. Now, wonder what her mind thinks about it all. Well, the future isn't yet writ. Trying to live in the Now. I'm glad to be alive and enjoying days like this. Wish my mind would let me be this way all the time. Hope I've touched some people in a good way today.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

The Mountaintop

All people are striving to ascend to the summit of Truth. The mountain is covered with climbers at its base. The ranks thin significantly the higher one goes. Some strive alone. Some are couples. Some are whole families. As one climbs, one notices that there are people all around, some above, some below, some at the same level, each progressing at his or her own pace. Occasionally, one sees small and large groups of people on a small plateau or ledge inviting others to join them - telling the newcomers that they inhabit the summit. Yet one can see that while closer than most, they are still not at the summit. Most help one another up the mountain, though sometimes, you see people pushing others back down the mountain. Sometimes, you see people ascend the summit in miraculous leaps and bounds, practically flying, as they surrender to what is. The higher one goes, the more beautiful the experience. Sometimes, the view of the summit is obscured by the fog of thoughts and time. In a clear timeless moment, one can see the summit and feel the love all around. One strives to point the summit out to those close by, yet knows that their climb is uniquely their own - their unique experience. Few want or desire help.

Friday, February 10, 2006

A Dream

I dreamed yesterday. I don't usually dream about people in my life who I am currently involved with. I found myself in an office and it was full of men, almost all of them handsome and good looking. There was one woman in the office and I couldn't see her face. She was a brunette with long straight hair. I knew who she was, Annie. I made my way through all the other men and just as I was about to touch her and speak with her, I woke up. My dreams tend to be like that, openended.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Loving Kindness

It doesn't matter what one thinks or doesn't think. What matters is touching another's life with the most careful consideration and sacredness or quality of kindness. In the time allotted me, I only desire or strive to touch other's lives with great quality via small acts of kindness because ultimately, that is what counts. That is really what the Golden Rule is about - treating one another with small acts of kindness and sharing joy of being. This is the sum of what Life has taught me thus far, and I wish to be remembered with the utmost fondness and joy and bliss because that is how I wish to remember everyone I have touched.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Barbed Wire

"Careful is a naked man climbing a barbed wire fence."
Western aphorism

I will strive to watch my thoughts and actions with the same care as I would climbing a barbed wire fence naked. That is how alert I will strive be. Performing careful, thoughful actions wouldn't hurt either.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Enlightened Living

No resistance, no judgement, and no attachment to Life is the core of Enlightened Living. The three keys to enjoying One's Life.

A Hole in a Flute....

"I am a hole in a flute that the Christ's breath moves through, listen to this music."

While meditating, the name of a friend I knew a few year's ago at SMU popped into my head. I decided to follow up. I gave her a call. She is divorced from another SMU colleague and is putting her life back together. I wish to give her a few CDs that may help her, but ultimately, she is the only person who can "fix" herself. She had to cut off the phone call abruptly and hasn't called me back yet. I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised if nothing happens here. Perhaps it's another lesson to not take anything personally, since most interactions between people involve their minds and the roles their minds have them play. Guess we'll see. I seem to just be a hole in the flute of "God". I am glad to be useful for a change.

Friday, February 03, 2006

What is "God" to me

My current answer is I don't know what "God" is any more. At one time, I believed like everyone else in the dead closed concept of an Old Testament God that was an angry old man that wants his worshippers to fear and respect him. Then, there is the Fatherly figure of traditional Christianity, but this too, was not satisfying. Then, there is the God of physicists which is closer to the truth, E=mxcxc. "God" is all the energy and matter in the Universe, dark energy, dark matter, light, and normal matter, but this seems to diminish God because it doesn't take into account Consciousness. I know that God is Consciousness, but there is no way to quantitate or define what Consciousness is. I can only subjectively feel Consciousness. So, I am back to square one. I don't know what "God" is, but I know that I have Consciousness, and it is the best part of me.

This was my response to George Breed's question:
"What content comes to your mind when you hear the word God ?"

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Stark Reality

The presnt moment is as it is. What does that mean? It means that whatever is happening now is happening now. If you are alone, it is just you and the Universe - whatever you are perceiving at that moment even if it is stark reality. If you are with someone, it is whatever you are doing with him or her at the time with full attention given to that person. Their stark reality. No thinking, just full attention, full feeling.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Theology of Oneness

If all we see including ourselves is of the One Source, then why need relationships? If everyone and everything is Consciousness disguised as form, then one is meeting oneself wherever one goes and whoever one meets. How can one or One (as in the whole) have a relationship with itself? It's more like playing or dancing, a dynamic dance from atomic to macroscopic scales. In reality, I am writing to myself. When I make love to a woman, I am making love to another I am, Consciousness loving Consciousness. Is there really a personal relationship there if that is the case?

So, I must learn to play or dance. I have to love Annie as she should be loved, an impersonal sacred love rather than a possessive clinging egoic love. Although I have known that in my head for weeks, knowing it in my heart has been difficult. Hopefully, my heart and head will reconcile if they haven't already. I would not like a clinging possessive love foisted on me. I'm sure she wouldn't either. I'm pretty much there, but I must watch myself and make sure I am not lying to myself.

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