A Day in the Life of...

Well, have finally got my head on straight with Annie. Took me long enough to fix my unconsciousness. We'll just enjoy each other's company as long as it lasts and be thankful for what we have. It's what the Universe wants of me now. My self-inflicted suffering is finally ending, thanks be to the Unmanifested.

Saw a friend, Janice, and told her a little bit of the situation with Annie and me. It helped a lot just talking with her. She was amused by the whole situation. She basically told me to enjoy what I have as long as it lasts. She used to be my boss at SMU. Janice is still there at SMU, but she doesn't know for how long. Her bed and breakfast is coming along, but her house needs to sell. So, I've been visualizing her house with a SOLD sign in front of it. Figure it's the least I could do. She's a wonderful soul. She lost her husband, who was 20 years her senior, a few years ago and she's still going through therapy. She seems to be healing. Just want her to be happy. She's the person who turned me on to Eckhart Tolle. She's reading Wayne Dyer at the moment. I had given her the book as a gift some years ago; "60 Days to Enlightenment" is the title I believe.

Well, life seems to be tranquil and quiet at the moment. Annie seems happy. I'm happier. The cats are very pleased with themselves. Life is good!

Annie emailed me yesterday. I responded that I missed her terribly. That admission, some jogging, lack of sleep and apartment cleaning seemed to do the trick. I've evidently accepted the present for what it is. During work, I was doing some walking meditation since all was quiet on the consoles. I could tell I was usually Present except for a stray thought here or there. I sent her healing energy for her jaw and back and asked "God" that if it be his will to heal her. I don't know what else to do except think positive thoughts, send positive energy and ask The Unmanifested if she will be healed. No woman should suffer physical abuse at the hands of a loved one. Her jaw was broken by her ex-husband and she's still in pain. I know that part of the reason we were brought to together was to bring out my unconsciousness. I hope it is to heal her as well, but I don't know at this time. If I can love her without bias, without ego or judgement, completely unconditionally, then I should be more transparent to the light. I'm going to try to quit divining with the pendulum so as to leave The Universe full possibilities/potentialities with me. I think my inner purpose has always been to be a bridge between this World and the Unmanifested. It feels right. Guess I'll find out. Should also find out just how conscious I am. Love, Light, Bliss, and Happiness to Annie! Bliss to those who read this entry! Enjoy the day everyone!

I shouldn't be using this technique because it is a spiritual crutch, but I am still divining - using the pendulum technique (30% accuracy -poor at best) to access my subconsciousness. It said last week that Annie would never write about me in her blog. Yesterday, she shut her blog down. Score one for my subconscious. I also have the impulse to clean up my messy apartment. I'm sure part of it is because of just being happy from last week with Annie, but I have noticed my meditations have increased in feeling or sensation after last week as well. Part of that was my attempt to control my fears and anxiety with Annie. Encounters with women like her are very intense and very short, at least from past experience. However, there is a distance factor involved so that should give me time to get a proper perspective. She's right, I think too damn much. So, I've been meditating to control my passions and worries and just calm down. I've also been sending her positive healing energy in an attempt to promote healing of her surgeries. (This may be folly because there's no proof it works, but it's the closest I can think of to effective prayer.)
During meditation using a meditation CD I have, there's a section where I am supposed to send love and light to my loved ones. This past Sunday and Monday, I blanked out in that section almost every time I played the CD. It has never happened when I think of my family, so it likely was something to do with Annie.
So, these are the following signs of change in my life:
1. Brief loss of consciousness during specific meditation exercise on precise days that are her "weekend".
2. Pendulum was kind of correct that she'd never write about me. Never expected her to shut down the blog though.
3. Impulse to clean out my apartment of old books and magazines. It's not just a cleaning, but more like clutter removal. I'm definitely freeing up space in my life, literally. The Universe says that I might be moving, but to where, and more importantly, when?

I couldn't help asking. These are the following answers I've gotten from my subconscious:
1. Annie will write me within a week.
2. I shouldn't buy plane tickets or book a hotel room until early February for some reason (give the Universe time for what purpose?).
3. I shouldn't send her a Valentine's Day ecard. That's bizarre, but it's the "right action" if there is such a thing.

Last week I started reciting the following mantra:

I will accept the present moment as it is now. I will accept Annie as she is now. I will unconditionally love her without reservation, bias, or judgement. I want what is best for her regardless of what I want, desire or need.

This seems like the only sane thing to do and sooner or later, I should align with what reality desires me to have, not what I want. I do not wish to cause her or myself any more pain. I will not cause Annie any more pain or suffering from my unconscious actions provided I can stay Present.

When I visited Annie last week, I gave her a dozen or so pink roses. I decided this morning to read her blog from May 2005, when she started it up to October 2005, when I discovered it. I found out that she loves lillies and carnations. My personal taste has always been roses, and if any woman deserves roses, she is Annie. She had told me of the death of her grandfather, but I didn't realize he had died in July. No wonder she cried when she told me of that fact last week. She apologized for crying and I told her never to apologize for being a human being. I should have put two and two together, but my insights don't work that way. I wonder what she's doing at this moment. I hope she is happy and free and living life to the fullest. I feel blessed for experiencing the level of intimacy, passion, and joy we both felt last Monday. I feel blessed to be even a small part of her life - to be her friend and perhaps even a lover. Only she knows what she truly feels for me, but I've never had a woman trust me so completely before. She sees something in me that evidently makes her feel safe if that's the proper word to use. I see a very special woman in her. She has gifts and passions she's barely tapped and she is strong in spirit, yet so very vulnerable and fragile in some ways. I know I'm not making much sense. Both our families are dysfunctional and both of us have learned to deal with emotional and physical pain. In some ways, she's had to deal with more pain than I have and women have twice as many pain receptors, so she will feel pain more acutely than I ever will. At this time, I know more about her than she knows about me. But one's life story isn't important. It's the Being underneath the form that is important and her's is a brilliant jewel or blossom. I tried to listen from Presence as much as possible. I hope I succeeded in giving her the wonderful gift of my fullest attention. I hope I bring out what is best in her because she brings out what is best in me.

I maintain that Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect. That is my point of view, and I adhere to that absolutely and unconditionally. Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organised; nor should any organisation be formed to lead or coerce people along any particular path. If you first understand that, then you will see how impossible it is to organise a belief. A belief is purely an individual matter, and you cannot and must not organise it. If you do, it becomes dead, crystallised; it becomes a creed, a sect, a religion, to be imposed on others.

This is what everyone throughout the world is attempting to do. Truth is narrowed down and made a plaything for those who are weak, for those who are only momentarily discontented. Truth cannot be brought down, rather the individual must make the effort to ascend to it. You cannot bring the mountain-top to the valley....

Jiddu Krishnamurti

You are like brilliant sunlight filtered through a beautifully clear, perfect, faceted diamond. A flawless thing of beauty enhancing another thing of beauty. A glorious, beautiful soul in a sensual, gorgeous feminine form blazing from two sapphire blue eyes, laughing and smiling from a mouth framed by sensuous full lips and perfect pearly white teeth. Your smile is like the Sun bursting from behind dark storm clouds, full of joy and warmth. These words do you no justice. Are there any words fit to describe such a work of art in human form? Are there any words fit to describe a fragrant red rose drenched in morning dew, its open petals welcoming the rising Sun? Are there any words worthy enough to convey the experience of loving an Aphrodite? All I know is that you have blessed me with your friendship and companionship. It is most difficult to let go of someone so beautiful. Butterflies are meant to fly free, their beauty to be admired and enjoyed, to be experienced.

I wish I lived in the same city as she does, but it is as it is at this time. So, I must let her go for now until I can visit her on her birthday. It is difficult. I hope and pray she has a wonderful day in Chicago!

Just watched a show called Psychology of Suicide Bombers on Discovery Channel. Most people assume terrorists are recruited from the top down and are crazy. The facts are quite different.

1. Given the right psychological conditions, normal people are capable of doing horrific deeds.
2. Estrangement from one's country or culture such as living in a foreign land causes the estranged individual to band together with similar individuals.
3. The dynamics of small groups now comes into play. The individual tends to conform to the group's psychology. (Ashe experiment).
4. Bonds formed within such small groups are typified as familial - sisterhood, brotherhood, band of brothers. Military uses this dynamic in elite military squads/groups.
5. People in the group who have pre-existing friendships may bring their friends into the group and then influence them to conform to the group's radical viewpoint.
6. These groups can form spontaneously. A self-organizing spontaneously forming grass roots terrorist cell.
7. The successful groups try to identify with an elite organization for training or form an elite unit themselves. They case their targets and practice their mission.
8. Commitment prevails over fear in successful suicide attacks. Victims are dehumanized.

One article is Understanding Terror Networks

This evidence is contrary to what we are told in the media or by the government usually. I could be wrong here because I don't watch the news as much as I used to because it's all become sensationalized, polarized and sound bites in my warped opinion.

I just started watching "Guns, Germs and Steel" on my local PBS station. A New Guinea native asks Dr. Jared Diamond why white people have more cargo than his people? Dr. Diamond states that America is the richest nation on Earth. When he said that, I had an epiphany. We might be the wealthiest materially, but spiritually, we seem to be the poorest. I live in the poorest country on Earth. God cares little about material wealth. God or Universal Consciousness is only interested in playing with form and creating new forms that it can use to manipulate and play in this Universe. Mankind has lost touch with God. The Inuit and other native peoples are wealthier than I am.

Finally got to meet Annie in person on MLK Day. She is a most beautiful soul and woman - full of joy, laughter, passion, a whole range of positive emotions. Nothing I put into words can describe the person I met Monday. Our time together was bliss. God smiled upon us and I felt very alive and very blessed when I was with her. I smelled another woman's scent on the plane during disembarkation. I immediately saw Annie's face, her blue eyes, her smile and remembered the scent of her hair. It was just a memory trace, but what a memory trace! I only hope I've made as strong an impression on her as she has on me. She is a very rare and beautiful blossom of femininity.

Natural Selection is still acting upon us. The human species, a species of great ape, is still evolving. A medical database in Iceland is telling us that certain women with a particular section of one chromosome are more fertile than most human females. I will not comment about the positive uses or negative consequences of genetic screening. Shortly, we may have the ability to make site-specific changes within the DNA chromosomes at the one or two cell stage of an embryo. If so, than doctors could fix an embryo rather than just kill it, but it would really need to be at the 1-6 cell stage of the blastocyte.

We are evolving physically and mentally. On Charlie Rose, James Watson pointed out that humanity is becoming less violent. So, one could say spiritually, we are caterpillars trying to change into butterflies. I think a more accurate analogy is that humanity is like a theropod dinosaur evolving into a bird. The leap from Homo sapiens to Homo spiritus or Homo deus is a mental one. I feel like a dinosaur trying to fly! (grin)

Truth is hidden within the illusion. - Is this the spiritual equivalent to "Everything I say is a lie, but I am now telling you the truth!"?

Suffering in silence - If the mind is silenced, then one awakens to one's true self and suffering ceases. How then can one truly suffer in silence?

It has been said that silence is the language that God speaks, everything else is a bad translation. Listen to the silence roar! Listen to God roar!

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the abbot brings him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. The abbot nods and sends him away. Seven more years pass. The abbot brings him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." The abbot nods and sends him away. Seven more years pass. The abbot brings him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the abbot says. "You always did bitch too much."

Try not to complain. If you should start complaining, then try to catch yourself and stop, or if you can't say anything good, then don't say anything at all. Don't pollute yourself or anyone else with negativity.

"Live with compassion
Work with compassion
Die with compassion
Meditate with compassion
Enjoy with compassion
When problems come,
Experience them with compassion."

Lama Zopa Rinpoche

The definition of compassion is: wanting others to be free from suffering.

Reflections by the Indian saint Shantideva:

"Whatever joy there is in this world
All comes from desiring others to be happy,
And whatever suffering there is in this world,
All comes from desiring myself to be happy.

But what need is there to say much more?
The childish work for their own benefit,
The Buddhas work for the benefit of others.
Just look at the difference between them!"

You can find more about this topic at this website: buddhism.kalachakranet.org

Read the following joke on Jokes4All :

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother,

I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom"

This joke says a lot about human nature and how things change when men and women form bonds of intimacy and committment.

Living in the Future - what does that mean? Was reading George Breed's blog. He was quoting someone else's observations and ideas about the future. The writer said that some people are living in the future already. I understood what he meant, but I believe it to be misleading. Living in the future is an oxymoron. We can only live now. All there is is now. Some may be wholly living in the now, but the world has only changed for them. For the rest of us, the world is still the same. We are trying to wake up. Therefore, we are all inmates on holiday from the asylum, so to speak - trapped in our minds and trying to recover our wits so to speak, more like recover our "Real" identity in actuality. I'm listening to CNN's talking heads. Will either mute them or change the channel. They're like verbal buzzards circling over Sharon's body at the hospital in Isreal waiting for him to either die or take root as a vegetable - not as much news as trivial gossip you'd find in a small town where the women have nothing to do but talk about other's woes, misfortunes, foibles, tragedies, etc. TV journalists are trying to make something from nothing, turning a minor event into a drama of major proportions. If it were you or me, most likely the doctors would not be going to the heroic lengths to save us as they are with Sharon if we were in his state. What quality of life will he have if they succeed in their endeavors? Perhaps, they should just stop and see what happens. Who knows? I do know that I wouldn't wish to awaken from the type of major strokes he's having. How much of his brain is intact at this point? Not even his doctors know.

# posted by jbmoore : 5:16 AM  1 comments

Am browsing "Tactics of Mistake" by Gordon R. Dickson. I must have read it 29 years ago because I found three small photos of me when I was 14 years old or so -- younger, naive -- world was full of promise and hadn't beaten my stubbornness down yet. :-) I was looking for a description of the philosophy of tactics of mistake for another friend, when I came across a discussion between the military genius protagonist and a philosopher. The soldier states that philosophers are some of the most ruthless people.

"You Exotics are essentially ruthless towards all men, because you're philosophers, and by and large philosophers are ruthless people."

"The immediate teaching of philosophers may be gentle, but the theory behind their teaching is without compunction --- and that's why so much bloodshed and misery has always attended the paths of their followers, who claim to live by those teachings. More blood's been spilled by the militant adherents of prophets of change than by any other group of people down through the history of man."

"...to achieve the future you dream of means the obliteration of the present as we know it now. ...your goal is still the destruction of what we have now to make room for something different. You work to destroy what presently is -- and that takes a ruthlessness that is not my way -- that I don't agree with."

So, from a soldier's point of view he's more honest and ruthless in a different way than a philosopher because he only destroys men and material directly and perhaps societies and institutions indirectly, whereas a philosopher destroys the ideals of the time and then men fight over which ideals are superior.

Of course, this whole outlook is a mind based view. Spiritual Truth goes beyond the mind. It can only be felt or experienced directly by each person. When that event happens, the mind subsides or stills and becomes a tool to be used by the watcher rather than be the user. In other words identity shifts from thinking to observing in an Awakened or Enlightened individual. The need to be right is part of a mind based existence and is the seed of all wars and conflict. Wakefulness or Enlightenment goes beyond that need to be right, goes beyond the mind and its needs. Being right or wrong does not matter any more. Tolle stresses this point many times because it is at the root of most human suffering and pain, one's need to be right, one's refusal to acknowledge what is.

Today is a beautiful day in Texas, unless you live near Eastland and those places where the wildfires are raging. There is a Windows Metafile exploit out on the Internet. This is a serious threat if you surf the web a lot. Links are:
Tom Liston's Diary
fix
You will need to unregister a file before you apply the fix.
The command is;
regsvr32 /u /s %windir\system32\shimgvw.dll

You can email me at jbmoore61atgmaildotcom and I'll be happy to email you the fix and a batch file with instructions on how to use them.
Happy New Year!