Monday, January 23, 2006
Lillies and Roses
When I visited Annie last week, I gave her a dozen or so pink roses. I decided this morning to read her blog from May 2005, when she started it up to October 2005, when I discovered it. I found out that she loves lillies and carnations. My personal taste has always been roses, and if any woman deserves roses, she is Annie. She had told me of the death of her grandfather, but I didn't realize he had died in July. No wonder she cried when she told me of that fact last week. She apologized for crying and I told her never to apologize for being a human being. I should have put two and two together, but my insights don't work that way. I wonder what she's doing at this moment. I hope she is happy and free and living life to the fullest. I feel blessed for experiencing the level of intimacy, passion, and joy we both felt last Monday. I feel blessed to be even a small part of her life - to be her friend and perhaps even a lover. Only she knows what she truly feels for me, but I've never had a woman trust me so completely before. She sees something in me that evidently makes her feel safe if that's the proper word to use. I see a very special woman in her. She has gifts and passions she's barely tapped and she is strong in spirit, yet so very vulnerable and fragile in some ways. I know I'm not making much sense. Both our families are dysfunctional and both of us have learned to deal with emotional and physical pain. In some ways, she's had to deal with more pain than I have and women have twice as many pain receptors, so she will feel pain more acutely than I ever will. At this time, I know more about her than she knows about me. But one's life story isn't important. It's the Being underneath the form that is important and her's is a brilliant jewel or blossom. I tried to listen from Presence as much as possible. I hope I succeeded in giving her the wonderful gift of my fullest attention. I hope I bring out what is best in her because she brings out what is best in me.
