Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Bird

There was a meeting I had to go to today. I work nights and it's a really odd shift. Three and half days a week, Thursday night to Sunday morning, Six hours the first night, then 12 hours each night for the next three nights. My week starts at 1:00 AM tonight. Been doing this for a year now and for the last 4-6 months (lost track) I've been by myself. It's a little better now I suppose because one guy on another team works Thursday morning and Thursday night with me now. So, the meeting is in the middle of my "night" on my "Sunday", 1:00 P.M. in the afternoon. It's supposed to be a "meet and greet" by the new director. She is a former operations manager and was supposed to bring some direction and focus to our group which is rudderless within the company, practically foundering from what I can tell. Anyway, she gets in front of all of us and basically says, "Hi! Bye!". She accepted a Vice Presidency position at another firm in Telecom Corridor in Richardson, TX., and she's already given notice. This whole meeting was a waste of time except for the information that my future at this firm is even more uncertain.

So, I am driving back home and I'm on Interstate 635 tootling along at 60-65 mph and this little sparrow or swallow, probably a sparrow, flies across my windshield from right to left. It happened so fast there was nothing I could do. It was over in the blink of an eye. But the bird didn't die. He or she knew she wasn't going to make it and the little fragile bird turned into the windshield of my 4,000 pound car. It used the boundary layer of air flowing across the car to lift itself out of harm's way. So, there was no splat or thud and a lifeless little body being thrown into the air, cast aside with brutal violence. It all happened in a split second.

I feel like a leaf being blown on the wind. That phrase popped into my mind when I was at the store getting groceries before going home. No, I am that sparrow. Sometimes, it's best to meet danger head on and hope for the best and trust in one's abilities. If that little bird had enough courage or whatever to survive what it did by facing a two ton car at 60 mph, then surely, a driftless, uncertain human being can do at least the same or better and survive whatever life gives him.

Bashful must have sensed something as well when I came home. She followed me into the bedroom and wanted to be petted. Perhaps it was her way of assuring me that everything will be okay. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into all of this. Of course, that's my mind being anxious. I felt at peace when I was driving home. It was such a beautiful day. No cares. No worries. Just a timeless quality. I miss that peaceful feeling.
I understand, John, and am with you. I've felt the same way recently (see my post for today). The other way to look at things is that although you and I may feel like leaves blowing in the wind or birds tossed about, we are in fact not just this small, drifting, uncertain human being at all but in fact the whole Cosmos. Tat tvam asi. Resting in THAT returns us to the timeless peace.

Of course, I'm not lecturing - I too have felt like a drifting leaf this week - just a little encouragement for the journey.

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