Friday, March 10, 2006

Weird Wednesday

Tuesday evening, this thought kept popping into my head that Annie would not be content with my monetary gift for her birthday present. She would ask for more and the thought was accompanied by anger. I managed to dismiss it as anxiety since it hadn't happened yet. I had spared no expense or detail on her birthday celebration.

The next morning I awoke before my alarm clock, got ready and went to the airport. I nearly had an accident on the way there. Upon going through the TSA checkpoint, I noticed that my left dress sock developed a hole at the big toe. Finally, got on the first flight to Chicago Midway from DFW. About 30 minutes out we lost cabin pressurisation and the American Airlines MD-80 made an emergency landing at Tulsa. While awaiting word on the aircraft's condition, I called a Chicago florist and ordered two huge bouquets of lillies for her birthday to be delivered that afternoon to my hotel in Chicago. They couldn't fix the problem so I had to board another flight to St. Louis, wait 2 hours there and then fly into Chicago O'Hare. Got into Chicago about 1:30 PM. So, a short 2-3 hour flight became a 6 hour ordeal. Took a cab from O'Hare to the Midway hotel I was staying at. Cost $60 in cab fare.

Annie showed up at 3:00PM. I have blue Moonshadow carnations and two huge bouquets of fragrant lilly arrangements for her, lotions and bubble bath, a couple of decent DVDs, two CDs I made for her and an audiobook, and rose petals for romance. An expensive 14K Celtic Moonstone Cross and chain was the main gift as well as $300. We got a bit tipsy from Rum and Cokes and I was more tired than usual due to the stress of the flight. Took her to dinner. During dinner Annie evidently had a profound insight about me and my dead brother. It might have spooked her, I don't know, but she was very sincere and forceful about it. I believed her then, and was proud of her. I've inquired in my own way and she spoke the truth. After dinner, we went back to the hotel. We had planned to go to a movie, but then she said she was too drunk and then she said I owed her a large amount of money. I had made an assumption that turned out to be false it seems. I didn't get angry, just sad. I didn't have the cash or my checkbook, so I told her to give me an address and I'd send her a check. A fine end to a really great day it seems. Man plans and God laughs. Couldn't even get a full night's sleep. Awoke at 1:00 AM and that was that. Got home this Thursday morning without incident and called Annie on her cell phone and got voice mail. Left a message asking her to give me an address so I could send her a check. Then sent an email. Then went to bed since I have a 12 hour night shift and it was around 12:00 PM. She called me about 12:30 PM and said she'd check into getting me that address and we said goodbye.

So now, I guess the ball is in her court now. Just waiting to hear from her on where to send the check. Have been reciting the mantra about accepting her as she is and looking beyond the form. I am not angry, just confused. Why didn't she cut her losses earlier? Surely, she suspected earlier that I didn't bring a wad of cash with me other than about $460. Maybe she didn't realize it until after dinner and that's when she cut her losses. It was her birthday and she had invited me to celebrate it with her. Was I just supposed to give her money instead? I guess so. Maybe it's as simple as that. Any other day, I wouldn't have made this mistake. I was such a romantic idiot. I wanted the day to be perfect and it was anything but it seems.
I'd have been thrilled with merely having you fly into town, bring me flowers, and take me to dinner. (The money thing confuses me and it seems that money was more important than your thoughtfulness? This is strange, even sad, but there is probably more that you didn't say, here...)

By the way... if you can afford the time, take the El. It's $2. :)
Don't mean to be ugly, but I'll say it again....I told you so. Guess you didn't learn anything from the last time. And did you ever consider that this "spiritual advice" you've been dredging up might not be a "light" voice but a "dark" voice. 2 Cor 11:14


From my experience I concluded that it is better for me not to try to make a relationship work if it doesn't work. But then it is my nature to try too hard at many things.
This is not the first such time? Oh, dear... please, I beg of you...

Some things are meant to be for a moment, some for a season, some for a lifetime. It's clear, to me, that the season for this relationship has passed.

Only more sorrows will come mixed too heavily with the joy of giving (you obviously have a generous heart; giving can be its own gift, it's true, and I've fallen into that as well). Trying to revive a faded flower will only keep you from seeing the next one begin to open.

I do not know the fullness of your situation, and do not want to sound impertinent or judgemental when I say this, but rather kind and caring for your wellness: It seems clear to me that it's time for you to gently close that door.
Loneliness makes one do dumb things. What I did was not wise, if not insane. Yes, I need to close that door forever. There is nothing there in that relationship that can be salvaged. Calling it a relationship is probably being very generous at this point. I can only hope that other doors will open since this one is closed.
Oh John. I've been missing out on your life for a while. I don't want to be harsh and say, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??!" But what would it take to get a thought through to you when it comes to not entering into relationships with women where money is such a big factor?

Truly, I sit here stunned. And I know guys don't like pity, but John, I'm feeling sorry for you right now. First of all, because you felt you had to give this girl all these expensive gifts. SECOND of all, because afterwards she felt she had to ask for more from you.

John, I second Anon Julie's voice: Gently close the door. I don't know much about Annie but she seems a little superficial to me. Another door will open, you just have to be patient.
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