Friday, December 02, 2005
I find myself thinking about Annie and wonder why I haven't heard from her in two days. I find myself fantasizing about my visit to Chicago on January 16th. It takes effort to see reality for what it is. My mind has latched onto my insecurity with women in an attempt to control me. It has been succeeding. It has become absurb, some of the things floating in my head. I am beginning to look to another for happiness. That cannot be. That is too much to put on the shoulders of another. More likely Annie is looking forward to my visit and nothing more. She is probably running around getting gifts for X-mas, taking care of her family and her clients. I have way too much idle time on my hands. But at least now I am a bit saner. I suppose my mantra should be no expectations for Annie. Or it is as it is. Just love and let the World work itself out. I wish I were at peace now, or at least inspired to write something nice for her like I did last Monday, before I went in for surgery. Time to get ready for work. Blessings to all who read this and who fight their own illusory demons.